Days Without Cigarettes: 48
Happy Thoughts Recorded: 254
Average Word Count: 789
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Did not expect to get this Challenge done so soon, but I did expect to not see it coming. I feel like it’s kinda cocky to even make the call, and yeah, I’m sure I’m going to have some down-times and some repiphanies in the future, but I’ll leave it up to you to decide whether this counts. I feel like if anything was going to meet the definition of “Waking Up”, it would be something like this, at least.
I am now fully into this. I must do the things!!! Something Big is underway! PLANS GUYS BIG PLANS <<< ***awshit forshadowing awshitawshitawshitawshit***
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ENOUGH OF THAT.
I mentioned that Aunty Chan gave me a call, that she works for/hangs with people that are kind of a big deal, and that she thought she might be able to offer me some inspiration. Then I got kinda sidetracked by how incredibly awesome she is and the massive crazy epiphany that ensued mid-conversation.
But uh, Aunty Chan is not arrogant enough to have anticipated that talking about herself would have sufficed when she was thinking, “inspiration”. Actually as far as I know that was not her intention at all. (Oh heck, who knows? Perhaps she works in MYSTERIOUS WAYS. Sorry Aunty I don’t know if you’re even still reading this but as far as this blog’s concerned you’re basically my Fairy Godmother now okay?)
No, what she figured was, since I was taking on these Challenges and looking to broaden my horizons and so on, maybe I might like to come to listen to a Nigh-Indestructible South African talk about how all the times he was the first in the history of the world to do something crazy and awesome.
Of course, she was right. I might like that indeed.
So, two days later, still kind of reeling from the revelations of the phone conversation, surrounded by top university students from all over the world whose accomplishments so far put most of my as-yet unrealised dreams to shame, I attended a talk by Riaan Manser, professional adventurer.
Some of you may remember that a couple years ago I had this plan where I was gonna ride my bike to the Gold Coast. Unfortunately, some Life Stuff happened and I had to stick around and live in a house and save money instead. Life Stuff tends to happen whenever I make a Big Fun Plan like that. Anyway, I wanted to follow the coastline, and it would have been about 2000km, give or take. This dude covered 36,500kmish. You know, just cos.
I remembered how psyched I was about my plan. Lots of people had believed I was gonna do it, and at the time I didn’t think it would even be too big a deal, maybe it would take a month?
Ah, Life Stuff.
This guy, this Riaan, was amazing to listen to. He has had some crazy adventures – Africa is obviously a little bit more treacherous than Australia – but that wasn’t the thing. I had come to accept that the world is full of people doing ridiculous shit. I guess part of me had sort of decided that I wouldn’t ever really understand what it felt like to be one of those people. Seeeee, what really caught my attention was how freaking normal he seemed. I was sure he must have given similar talks hundreds of times by now, but there was nothing really rehearsed or artificial about it. He was just a dude, telling travel stories. He was just a dude, like so many people I’d talked shit with and got drunk with in el cheapo hostels across South East Asia. Nelson Mandela called this guy up so he could shake his hand – but he was just a dude.
I’ve met people with freakish talent, who are possessed by strange insight, who just had a fortuitous upbringing where they were exposed to all the right training. I figured all the people who Went Places had some combination of those three traits. I was never sure if I was gonna turn out to be one of those Special People, or what it would take.
Nope, just a dude. This was a dude, who, like me, was dissatisfied with the mundane 9-5 waiting-for-the-weekend existence. He wanted to do something … so he just did it. I believe he said it was four people and a dog that waved goodbye to him when he left. Now hundreds of Big Deal Kids Out To Make a Difference* from every corner of the globe were hanging on his every word. I could feel every excuse I’d ever made, all the times I’d flinched and backed off from something and rationalised it later, put something off til it faded into obscurity because it was “too much right now” … all the weights on my shoulders and the years turned to embarrassing, vacant blankets I’d just been hiding under.
Just a dude. The sheer simplicity of that idea is what got me. “Inspired” isn’t quite the right word for what happened to me there. That word kind of implies that some spark lit up inside me, or that a little flame started burning out of control with creative passion, or whatever. Hey, it’s a big word, okay?
But I guess his drive was too similar to mine to give me something new. The spark he had … I recognised it. Maybe the reason he seemed perfectly normal to me was because it was the same spark I’ve always had. “That’s an awesome thing you could do, so how about you do it?” This time, I didn’t think “That’s who I should be.” Arrogant though it may seem, I just kinda thought, “hey that’s me … you know, if I actually did stuff.”
Riaan Manser didn’t let Life Stuff grow into something ridiculous that it kept him from living. He got on his bike, and off he went. 2 years later he came back, probably a whole new dude – lo and behold, the Life Stuff did just fine without him.
No fire was lit under my arse. Suddenly though, my arse felt a lot lighter. Since then I’ve felt even less inclined to sit on that arse, and the fire that had been getting kind of smothered by it is flickering away quite merrily again. I don’t wanna speak too soon but I think it might be getting brighter.
I am so sorely tempted to destroy this analogy with some sort of a flatulence “light-a-match” gag here, be grateful I can’t think of anything that works.
I’m a little embarrassed to say that I was so overwhelmed by the whole bucketload of emotions that had been running around for the 48 hours leading up to this point that in spite of the fact that I walked right up alongside Aunty Chan and this Riaan fellow, I did not say a word to him. I think I was grateful. I’m pretty sure I felt really lucky to be there. But mostly I remember wondering how old he was. I wondered if I stayed and kept doing Life Stuff until I was 30, 35, til my kids were old enough that I could be independent again, would I be happy with what I’d accomplished?
One of the Challenges that I figured would be a nice dramatic finisher for the year was “Prepare for the Next Adventure”. I might start preparing sooner than I thought.
I’d say, “I don’t wanna get my hopes up” … but fuck that. Getting my hopes up is exactly what I’ve been daring myself to do for the last 2 years. That’s a long time to be keeping my hopes all flaccid and sad-looking, telling everyone “oh come on, don’t laugh! It’s cold orrite?!” whenever they caught a glimpse of my hopes. So I might just go right ahead and get myself a Raging Hope Boner if that’s not gonna make us all too awkward.
Cheers.
More on this soon enough.
*and some to make a name for themselves, I’ve no doubt
A Year of Monthly Challenges 